The Difference Between Democrats and Republicans (an anecdote recovered from my digital wastebasket)

One morning, in a prior life, I was dispatched to work on a campaign in Queens. Another “volunteer”, similarly dispatched from my office, had been sent out to buy bagels, and had returned with two dozen, all plain.  

 Peeved at the prospect of sinking my teeth into bland white bread without getting anything stuck between them, I questioned her about her choice. She said that she wasn’t sure what variety people would want, and therefore chose the lowest common denominator.

“That’s a Republican solution”, I snapped.

“And what, pray tell, would be the Democratic way?” she responded.

“Diversity", I snapped, "Buy a fucking assortment”.