A lot of hue and cry has been raised about the format of tonight’s Vice Presidential debate, specifically about the brevity of the answers and the lack of follow-up questions.
Pish-tosh says I.
Forcing concision on both Joe Biden and Sarah Palin cuts both ways, since hearing more of Palin generally subtracts, rather than adds, to the sum total of the world's knowledge, while cutting off Joe Biden’s amount of words is often somewhat analogous to limiting the supply of rope to someone who is chronically depressed.
Most importantly, follow-up questions serve no useful purpose in explicating the thoughts of Sarah Palin, who usually has run out of things to say on the first go-round and then just endlessly repeats her buzzwords without any form or substance until one cries uncle.
In fact, this phenomena applies not only in those instances (most of them) where Palin has little or no knowledge beyond what appeared in her briefing books (she’s read them all), but also in those extremely limited areas which are a matter of passion to her, like abortion.
No matter how many times you ask Palin the same question, she just won’t answer it. Eliminating follow-up questions seems the only reasonable way of preserving the sanity of her interrogators.
Recently, Domestic Partner and I had Sarah over for a glazeleh tay and some pastry, and had a little chat.
Domestic Partner: Sarah, please try the bobka, I got it from a wonderful place on Lee Avenue. And by the way, if a 15-year-old is raped by her father, do you believe it should be illegal for her to get an abortion, and why?
Palin: I am pro-life. And I'm unapologetic in my position that I am pro-life. And I understand there are good people on both sides of the abortion debate. In fact, good people in my own family have differing views on abortion, and when it should be allowed. Do I respect people's opinions on this. Now, I would counsel to choose life. I would also like to see a culture of life in this country. But I would also like to take it one step further. Not just saying I am pro-life and I want fewer and fewer abortions in this country, but I want them, those women who find themselves in circumstances that are absolutely less than ideal, for them to be supported, and adoptions made easier.
Gatemouth: Easier adoptions? How exactly would you do that? Perhaps, less stringent screening of criminal backgrounds? Or, does it mean you would allow LGTB people to adopt in states where that’s now prohibited? Do you really just mean that by outlawing abortions, you'd be eliminating the shortage of unwanted babies?
Domestic Partner: But ideally, you think it should be illegal for a girl who was raped or the victim of incest to get an abortion?
Palin: Um, if you're asking, though, kind of foundationally here, should anyone end up in jail for having an … abortion, absolutely not. That's nothing I would ever support.
Gatemouth: She didn’t ask, but let me follow up. No one should end up in jail for having an abortion, but can you tell me if anyone should end up in jail for performing abortions? Would you just incarcerate the doctor, or would the person who drove her have accomplice liability? And, what penalties do you envision?
Domestic Partner: But ideally, you think it should be illegal for a girl who was raped or the victim of incest to get an abortion?
Palin: I'm saying that, personally, I would counsel the person to choose life, despite horrific, horrific circumstances that this person would find themselves in.
Gatemouth: She asked you a question, girlfriend; why don’t you answer it? We all appreciate that you live by your principles and walk the walk; the question is whether you expect everyone else to live by your principles and walk your walk? I mean, what you would do personally is really none of our business, and what we do personally is really none of your business. We want to know what you would make us do personally.
Domestic Partner: Sarah, some people prefer rugelach to bobka, and some have credited the morning-after pill for decreasing the number of abortions. How do you feel about the morning-after pill?
Palin: Well, I am all for contraception. And I am all for preventative measures that are legal and save, and should be taken, but…again, I am one to believe that life starts at the moment of conception. And I would like to see …
Dybbuk (age five): Daddy, she’s evading the question again.
Domestic Partner: And so you don't believe in the morning-after pill?
Gatemouth: DP, we don’t care what she believes, she believes that evolution is just a theory, but witches are real. We care what she would do
Palin: … I would like to see fewer and fewer abortions in this world. And again, I haven't spoken with anyone who disagrees with my position on that.
Domestic Partner: I'm sorry, I just want to ask you again. Do you not support or do you condone or condemn the morning-after pill.
Gatemouth: Don’t apologize DP, she’s the one being rude.
Palin: Personally, and this isn't McCain-Palin policy …
Domestic Partner: No, that's OK, I'm just asking you.
Palin: But personally, I would not choose to participate in that kind of contraception
Gatemouth: Bitch, we’re really not curious who you fuck or how you fuck ’em. Oh, all right, we are curious, but don’t feel obligated to answer. Just tell us, would you outlaw the morning-after pill or not?
Domestic Partner: And please, take some of the honey cake home to Todd and the kids.
(All Sarah dialogue is guaranteed verbatim and are actual responses to questions asked herein; apologies to Katie Couric; other than a moose, two polar bears and a cute little baby seal, no animals were harmed)