I really want to like Kevin Parker. Really.
There’s good reason why I should. Of the five Democratic State Senators who‘ve ever been indicted, Kevin is the only who has neither made common cause with the Republicans, nor has even threatened to.
Unlike the other members of that illustrious crew (who I shall refer to only by their nick-names: Embezzlement, Assault, Extortion and Heroin Dealing), Kevin has never been part of the Gang of Four, the Four Horsemen of the Preposterous, Carl and the Passions, The Three Amigos (“we want Amigo money”) or the Aztec Two-Step.
Though also accused of assault, Kevin has the virtue of loyalty, at least in regard to his party.
But Kevin Parker makes me mad. Twice, despite Kevin’s multiple failings as a legislator, a community ombudsman and a human being, I’ve felt compelled to endorse him for Senate, one time against a disreputable reprobate who made Kevin look a solid citizen, and the other time against a candidate who was Kevin’s clear superior in every way but his stance upon the issue (there was also a third candidate who pulled the neat trick of combining the worst features of both his opponents).
Sadly, given the state of Brooklyn politics, I’m pretty sure I’ll have good reason to endorse Kevin next year as well. Last fall, while pulling together a well deserved last minute diss of pretentious woman-beating psychopath Kevin Powell, I made a Freudian slip and called him Kevin Parker. Even in endorsing Parker, I had felt the need to make the distinction between Parker and Powell, which was made somewhat more difficult by the fact that Powell, if anything, seems more willing than Parker to face his demons.
At the time, I admitted with small comfort that while Parker clearly had a bad temper, unlike Powell, there seemed no evidence of gender issues. Then, shortly after that piece ran, a female staffer accused Parker of shoving her and crushing her glasses when they fell to the ground.
This week, State Senate Republicans said they might file criminal and ethics charges against Parker for allegedly threatening one of their lawyers. Attorney John Conway said he was on the Senate floor when Parker, who current faces felony assault charges for an alleged attack on a New York Post photographer, tried to disrupt a farcial Republican-controlled Kabuki proceeding which was disrupting the Democrat’s similar commedia d’ell arte.
According to Conway, "He said to me, 'What are you looking at, punk? Do you know who I am and don't you read the newspaper, punk?"
Conway was intimidated. I guess he reads the papers.
But Conway shouldn’t feel the victim of excessive partisanship, for Parker seems far harsher with Democrats than Republicans. Remember, his staffer worked for a Democrat. Then, there is the matter of our Governor.
No Charlie Rangel he, Parker has been admirably free of the race card. In fact, Parker’s made clear in no uncertain terms his complete contempt for David Paterson, his joy at Paterson’s dismal re-elections prospects, and his desire to be well rid of Paterson (and who can really blame him for holding such sentiments?).
Then, this week, Parker called Paterson “a coke sniffing, staff-banging Governor.”
Well, perhaps Kevin's never considered the fact that there‘s something to be said for banging with your staff, rather than banging at them. The only way that David Paterson could have broken Lila Kirton's glasses would be if he accidentally stepped or sat upon them (admittedly not impossible, given the circumstances and the Governor).
In addition, for the Governor, staff-banging holds the added advantage of preventing the necessity of having to leave the state to go hiking in the Adirondacks or testify before a Congressional committee (and has the further virtue of preventing Pedro Espada from acquiring a colorable claim to the power to grant pardons).
For hours, Parker stood by his words, and then, after cooler heads with bigger muscle prevailed, Parker changed his mind.
Parker’s statement of contrition began with these poignant word:
"My conduct today was reprehensible and regrettable. I apologize…"
Kevin could save himself a bit of time and money if he just had those words pre-printed in the boilerplate on his press release paper.