FROM: ROSCOE CONWAY
TO: GATEMOUTH
A Statement from President Conway:
"The American people have spoken, and I have heard their voices. Americans demand action and action (*pounds podium for emphasis*) now.
"Therefore, I call upon Speaker-Designate Boehner to submit for Congress' immediate consideration a balanced Federal budget. Each day we wait for his solution tightens the yoke of indebtedness about generations yet unborn.
"Because time is of the essence, we must bring a laser focus to bear right now. Accordingly, I will veto any and all legislation which reaches my desk prior to passage of Speaker-Designate Boehner's balanced, Constitutional budget.
"Congress and its leaders must be held accountable to the will of America's new Tea Party majority. As the only official elected by the residents of all 50 states and all 435 House districts, I bear that unique responsibility – and discharge it, (*pounds podium for emphasis*) I will.
"And so, my fellow Americans, during the first one hundred days of Speaker Boehner's administration, I will sign upon receipt any legislation – and (*pounds podium for emphasis*) only that legislation – including the new federal budget – which meets three simple, Constitutional criteria.
"First, each bill must take effect immediately. Second, every word of each bill must be read aloud in public session with all Republican and Tea Party members present. Finally, each bill must be approved with the vote of each and every member of the Republican and Tea Parties.
"The campaigns are over, the votes counted, the results clear. I will dedicate my Presidency to giving the American people everything they asked for on Tuesday.
"This pen (*withdraws pen from jacket pocket*) has two uses – signing the vital legislation Congressional Republicans have promised to approve and striking from the calendar the first one hundred days of their administration.
"The pampered Congressional elites who stand in our way will answer not to me, but to the Constitution and those patriots willing to defend it and unwilling to accept excuses.
"Good night, and may God bless our holy, Constitutional union."
(*cheering throngs*)