Some say the tale comes from the Jewish tradition; others credit the Russians.
It matters not, because there is an equivalent tale in practically every society, and because, regardless, whatever the origin, the moral remains the same.
The schtetl of Chelm was being evacuated as the flood waters rose. The constable came to the house of Duvid (or, if you prefer, Dmitri) and warned him to leave, but Duvid said, “No, I’ll be fine; our G-d, Hashem, will take care of me.”
As the water rose around his datcha, a boat came by and offered to take Duvid to safety, but Duvid said, “No, I’ll be fine. Hashem will take care of me.”
Finally the water got so high Duvid had to sit on his roof. A helicopter came and dropped a rope down. The crew pleaded with Duvid to grab on and they would take him to dry ground. But Duvid said, “No, I’ll be fine. Hashem will take care of me.”
Moments later, the datcha was washed away.
When Duvid appeared before G-d, he said, “Hashem, I trusted in you. I kept saying no to all those who tried to rescue me, “Hashem will take care of me.” Why didn’t you rescue me?”
And G-d said, “Schmuck; I sent the constable, I sent the boat, and I sent the helicopter. Vus vere you vaiting for; an engraved invitation?”
As I reported the other day, on Friday on my Facebook page, I linked an article, wherein David Storobin made the case for how strong a State Senate candidate he’d be in the Warsaw Ghetto District constructed by the State Senate Republicans (even though his own Russian community had been divided in such a manner that they were envying Gaul its good luck).
Along with the link I made this is snide comment:
“Hey schmuck:
I don't know why I'm giving you advice, and I can well understand why you don't trust me, but this is not your race; if you really care about your Party's principles (such as they are) you will let them get behind a stronger candidate more culturally suitable to the district (or you will find 75% of the stuff I printed about you being re-used against you–by a fellow Republican).
The smart move is to run in the 45th where, win or lose in the Senate race, you can far better exploit your hero status in the Russian community, and probably can count on Orthodox support in the general election (you won't even need it in the primary).”
I didn’t say, but should have, that, in the Super-Jewish seat, Storobin could count on Orthodox support in neither the primary nor the general.
Later, based upon the good word of two very different, but extremely reliable sources, who had both heard reports from multiple well-placed Republicans, I reported that Storobin was running for Assembly in the 45th.
As I reported, the Republicans had a different strategy for the Ghetto District they had created.
Their intent was to join the Democrats in taking a dive on trying to elect someone they could trust, essentially giving the heave ho to someone who may yet become the temporary incumbent, and instead take a swan dive for Simcha Felder.
The GOP intent to lie down for Felder isn’t because they are happy; sources indicate they are less than elated. But sometimes one must wake up and smell the kugel.
The kugel is piping hot named Simcha, and the GOP believes it is better to get a piece than to be left hungry.
Instead, Storobin would get a consolation prize.
Yes, a seat in the Assembly Minority would have a smaller lulu, zero power, and an inferior title, but it would still double one’s chance of getting laid after a Friday night at Rasputin.
Now, I don’t believe that those multiple GOP sources were lying. What they were saying was entirely credible.
But it turns out that the multiple GOP sources had spoken to everyone but Storobin.
Storobin seems to have a slightly different view of the efforts to have him run somewhere else:
“Is this the Soviet Union?,” he asked. “I am outraged at the mere idea of there being an “agreed candidate”. Candidates should be agreed upon by the voters on election day,” he said.
Rumors are that Dean Skelos is said to be less than enchanted with the idea that a guy he’s sustained with his own bankroll has just compared him to Joseph Stalin.
Further, word is that Skelos has already conveyed his displeasure with a series of not so subtle messages and gestures.
I think Storobin has grievously misread the situation.
Let us review.
On November 4, 2008, 45th AD Assemblyman Steve Cymbrowitz, a Democrat representing Brooklyn’s overwhelmingly Jewish and increasingly Orthodox and Russian 45th Assembly District, received 50.35% of the vote on the Democratic line.
The candidate on the Republican line got 47.18%.
That candidate was also named Steve Cymbrowitz.
By contrast, there was a real Republican running in the 45th in 2010.
Many regard Joseph Hayon, a religious Sephardic Jew active in the Brooklyn Tea Party, as some sort of a loon.
I don’t necessarily disagree, but it’s hard not to like a guy who’s so sincerely dedicated to his fanatic beliefs, and goes the extra mile in trying to engage and persuade his ideological enemies, myself among them.
I honestly expected to be invited to Hayon’s this year for a Seder (though it does occur to me that this may only have been to get the opportunity to engage in the Sephardic ritual of hitting me with a stick).
In 2010, Hayon did not have the advantage of running down ballot from John McCain.
Instead, Hayon had to stand downwind from the flatulence of Carl Paladino.
Beyond that, Hayon, a part time tutor, spent an underwhelming $615 on his race, and had no help from the local Republican Club or the County Organization.
Yet, on Election Day, Hayon took 42.16% to Cymbrowitz’s 57.80% in what might be called the $615 wake up call.
In contrast to Hayon, David Storobin would have the advantage of running in an area with far more Russians than Sephardim.
Storobin has already proven capable of raising far more than $615 dollars. His strong showing for Senate would enable him to raise even more in a race for the 45th.
Storobin would have the full support of the Republican Assembly Campaign Committee and the Republican County Organization, and the Senate GOP would probably throw him a significant amount of guilt money.
In addition, in November, Storobin will either be the Senator (and therefore a de facto incumbent in almost all of the 45th AD) or a near victor for the same (portrayed in the Russian community as a victim who was robbed of his birthright by “The Man.”).
Either way, he will outspend Hayon by more than 100-fold in a year when the Democrat will be running on a ticket with a President slightly less popular in the 45th than pork bellies.
By contrast, in the Warsaw Ghetto District, the leadership of virtually every faction of the Orthodox community is lining up upon “an agreed candidate,”
John Sampson has gotten the message. Dean Skelos has gotten the message. Neither is very happy, but they are practical men who understand when to cut their losses.
They don’t need to be told twice.
Funny thing is, David Storobin really doesn’t need to be told either.
Storobin knows what the vote from such election districts look like.
He’s been the beneficiary of them.
Storobin is under the severe delusion that he received those votes because those voters liked him personally.
But Storobin got those votes because of Kol Korehs, rabbinical declarations that to vote for his opponent was halachically forbidden. Storobin won those votes because he got a hecksher declaring he was kosher.
But if Storobin chooses to run in this Goldineh Ghetto, he will be declared traife, and his only resemblance to a kosher product will be that he will be getting his throat slit.
If he run in the Ghetto District, Storobin will be taken to task for calling the story of the Exodus a fiction by the same people who once made excuses for the same.
He will be called an immigrant basher who wants to slam behind him the door he once walked through by people who once called such statements lies.
He will be taken to task for denying the Bosnian genocide, thereby insulting all Holocaust survivors, by the same people who once said that that was OK, because the Bosnians had supported the Nazis.
David Storobin says he is “outraged at the mere idea of there being an “agreed candidate”.
Back in March he was nearly orgasmic about the same.
Back when the “agreed candidate” was named Storobin.
But he who lives by the hecksher dies by the hecksher.
The mohel’s knife is sharp on both sides so it can cut both ways, and David Storobin is about to get sliced.
The schochet’s blade slices clean and David Storobin is about to get slaughtered.
How, he might wonder, could he be treated so badly by those who were so recently his friends?
Perhaps Storobin needs counseling from someone who’s suffered the same experience.
I suggest he get some advice from Lew Fidler on how to cope.
David Storobin is about to get a great big cluster-schtupp.
He is about to sink below the storm waters.
He’s been sent a helicopter.
Vus does he vant, an engraved invitation?