Mahat McCain Jeeves (read the credits of “The Bank Dick”)

I missed watching McCain’s speech, but I’m told that not seeing it improved things immensely. Pretty good text though. But every once in a while I close my eyes and see WC Fields selling patent medicine.

“She knows where she comes from and she knows who she works for. She stands up for what’s right, and she doesn’t let anyone tell her to sit down. I’m very proud to have introduced our next Vice President to the country. But I can’t wait until I introduce her to Washington. And let me offer an advance warning to the old, big spending, do nothing, me first, country second Washington crowd: change is coming.”

—Yep that good ole gal, Rocky Raccoon, standing up to those old big spending, do nothing, me first, country second types by cancelling that “Bridge to Nowhere” when she found out she might have to pay for part of it, and keeping the money, instead of sending the check back to help pay for the war and all that.

“I fight for Americans. I fight for you. I fight for Bill and Sue Nebe from Farmington Hills, Michigan, who lost their real estate investments in the bad housing market. Bill got a temporary job after he was out of work for seven months. Sue works three jobs to help pay the bills”

— I could have lived without all the cameos from ordinary Americans; better they should make their appearance in the policies than in the anecdotes.

“My health care plan will make it easier for more Americans to find and keep good health care insurance. His plan will force small businesses to cut jobs, reduce wages, and force families into a government run health care system where a bureaucrat stands between you and your doctor.”

–Well, here we are with the resurrection of Harry and Louise, the one thing I thought beating Hillary circumvented. It is interesting to me that a man who’s spent his entire life living on health plans provided by the US Government thinks everyone else finds them so fearsome.

I was told by Mr. McCain’s party in 1993 that if I supported Hillary’s health plan, we would all be forced into HMOs. Well, I supported Hillary’s plan and damned if they weren’t right—-we have all been forced into HMOs. Those Republicans sure are visionaries.

Wake up call to Mr. McCain: there is some bureaucrat already standing between me and my doctor, but he works for an HMO. Maybe if he worked for my government instead, I could call my Congressman and get something done about it.

"I fight to restore the pride and principles of our party. We were elected to change Washington, and we let Washington change us. We lost the trust of the American people when some Republicans gave in to the temptations of corruption. We lost their trust when rather than reform government, both parties made it bigger. We lost their trust when instead of freeing ourselves from a dangerous dependence on foreign oil, both parties and Senator Obama passed another corporate welfare bill for oil companies. We lost their trust, when we valued our power over our principles.

We’re going to change that. We’re going to recover the people’s trust by standing up again for the values Americans admire. The party of Lincoln, Roosevelt and Reagan is going to get back to basics.”

—My God, it’s the old trick, well documented by the late Murray Kempton, of running against your own record.

And let’s make no mistake–it is Mr. McCain’s own record. 95% support for President Bush doesn’t leave a lot of margin to restore the public trust.

McCain agrees with Bush on the War, and agrees with Bush on the economy; that doesn‘t leave much left. Reckless tax cuts and budget deficits? McCain has a proud record of opposing Bush’s fiscal irresponsibility. He has a right to be proud. Or, at least he did until he repudiated what was probably his finest hour since he left Hanoi.

And, on social issues, McCain’s managed the neat trick of moving to Bush’s right, while still faking to the left, but eventually (hopefully), those chickens will come home to roost.

“Senator Obama thinks we can achieve energy independence without ….more nuclear power.”

—Actually Obama said: “As President, I will tap our natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, and find ways to safely harness nuclear power.”—I’m not sure that more nuclear power makes me very happy, but it would seem to make McCain a liar.

“I fell in love with my country when I was a prisoner in someone else’s.”

—Michelle Obama should be pleased to learn that she’s not the only latecomer to love of country this year.

“The constant partisan rancor that stops us from solving these problems….”

—obviously Mr. McCain does not believe in leading by example. The convention his campaign stage managed featured ugly speeches by Fred Thompson, Rudy Giuliani and Sarah Palin that sometimes verged upon declarations of Culture War. Ms. Palin found every way, but the direct one, of calling Barack Obama an Uppity N—-r, and in case we missed the message, a Congressman from Georgia later spelt it out more explicitly.

Though I suppose Palin’s right about us Democrats. I’m picturing her right now snuggling up in her igloo with Trig, Track, Truck Turner, Bristol Cream, Bashful, Doc and Sleepy (that would be McCain) eating blubber and Moose Oysters (and picking their teeth with the antlers), while her husband, Billy Bob, decides to warm things up by throwing another book on the fire.

“If you find faults with our country, make it a better one. If you’re disappointed with the mistakes of government, join its ranks and work to correct them. Enlist in our Armed Forces. Become a teacher. Enter the ministry. Run for public office. Feed a hungry child. Teach an illiterate adult to read. Comfort the afflicted. Defend the rights of the oppressed. Our country will be the better, and you will be the happier. Because nothing brings greater happiness in life than to serve a cause greater than yourself.”

—Hey, I got an idea, why not become a Community Organizer?