Author: Gatemouth

David Parrothead (aka Searching for his Lost Shaker of Salt) (revised)

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JIMMY BUFFETT: Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know it's nobody’s fault

Has the Governor really morphed into Jimmy Buffett?

In Buffett’s song, Jimmy starts, as noted above, by refusing to lay blame for his pitiable condition. By verse two, as if in an evolving stages of grief scenario, Buffett acknowledges “it could be my fault”; while by the song’s end he admits “it's my own damn fault.”

This is surely not the David Paterson scenario, I suspect in the Governor’s second verse ends verse “but I know, it's Sulzberger's fault,” while by verse three he’s gone on to blame Whitey in general for some sort of double standard.

Sidebar (Mitzvah) Sideshow [Watch in Amazement as Dov Hikind’s and Joe Lazar’s Tongues Cleave and Hands Forget Their Cunning]

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[This piece is intended as a sidebar to this article] 

THE BOOK OF PSALMS: If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning. Let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth, if I remember thee not; if I set not Jerusalem above my chiefest joy

In each of the first two parts of my 44th Councilmanic Moby Dickstein, I’ve promised an anecdote which illustrates the lengths to which City Council candidate Joe Lazar will fetch, heal, rollover and play dead for Dov Hikind. As I stated in part two, the issue involved is not really important to the work of a City Councilman, but it says everything one needs to know about Joe Lazar’s independence.

Everyone knows Israel is Dov Hikind’s passion.

Seymour: An Introduction [or The Kvetcher in the Brisket on Rye] (The Race In the 44th Councilmanic, Part Two)

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NEW YORK TIMES: Two months later, Mr. Salinger is back at the typewriter thanking his friend for an update he devoured “greedily.” This time, though, he reports that he has become less enamored with New York’s charms. “Meaning,” he writes, “that there aren’t any places I like or love there any more. With the exception of the Museum of Natural History.”

While that was also a spot that Holden found comforting, Mr.

A Plea for Democracy

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It has just been reported that former Councilwoman Helen Sears has declined the GOP offer of political reassignment surgery to elect her to the NY State Senate as a Republican.

Apparently the chances of surviving an operation of that nature at such an advanced age without debilitating side effects (like complete and total loss of integrity) are almost nil.

Godspeed to you Helen.

Will someone please give this woman a no-show job (though not as a Councilwoman again)?

With Sears in the race, Democrats were left no choice but to go after the independent petitions being filed by former Senator Hiram Monserrate, lest Monserrate divide the Latino vote and ensure Sears‘ election.

“Running Against Vito Lopez” (The 44th Councilmanic, Part One of Two)

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In a Brooklyn special election for City Council taking place in March, a candidate named Joseph Lazar is attempting so sell himself by telling voters (or at least certain voters) that he is “running against [Kings County Democratic Leader] Vito Lopez.”

Lately this has even taken the form of planted blog pieces, including one where the usually witty Mary Alice Miller, a writer who leans towards an Afrocentric but feminist perspective, hails Lazar’s ties to the late Satmar Rebbe, who performed Lazar’s wedding [impressive, I must admit–though I got Rabbi Moshe Dovid Niederman to speak at mine] . Another dead giveaway that this piece may be one “for hire” is Miller’s mention of “the diverse cultures of the district (Italian, Irish, Asian, Russian, and Latino)” –anything missing?

Given Lazar’s almost unbroken history of support for Lopez‘s candidates, and the donations to Lopez‘s County organization by principals of the Lazar Family consulting firm, the assertions of Lazar’s independence are pretty laughable on their own terms, but it cannot be denied that Lazar is not Lopez’s preferred candidate in this race, although Lazar’s sponsors surely wish, and tried to ensure, that this was otherwise.

Talkin’ Trash and Filchin’ Good Names

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Dateline: 2/16/10–Boynton Beach Florida (and yes, I will be visiting Maurice Gumbs)

Life is too short, and those unfortunate enough to be living in communities like East New York cannot be blamed if they decide to derive their entertainment through their elected officials, whether it be Councilman Chuckles Barron or their former Assemblywoman, Diane "House of the Rising Sum" Gordon.

When City Council Speaker Christine Quinn forced the firing of Councilman Barron’s Chief of Staff, Viola Plummer, for advocating an attempt on the life of another Council Member, I was shocked and bothered.

Extreme Unction and Dysfunction

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REPORT OF the New York State Senate Select Committee to Investigate the Facts and Circumstances Surrounding the Conviction of Hiram Monserrate on October 15, 2009:

The Select Committee concludes and believes that sanctions against Senators should only be imposed in cases of serious misconduct. Expulsion should be considered only in the most egregious circumstances. Having considered the available evidence and evaluated the facts relating to the conduct that provided the basis for Senator Monserrate’s conviction, the Select Committee finds that this case is serious enough to warrant a severe sanction. In doing so, we are mindful that ultimately, the voters of Senator Monserrate’s district, where he plans to run for re-election, will decide whether or not he is returned to office…

In the Land of the Legally Blind, the One-Eyed Trouser Snake is King (a couple of new jokes have now been added)

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All week while continuing to avoiding writing my Harold Ford piece, I’ve been receiving the same inquiry again and again in different forms.

A friend writes:

"What do you hear about the DP NY Times story? [unnamed Times Reporters] told me in 2008 that they had identified 17 women on gov. payroll who did DP. But, they would not write since NYT doesn't do sex lives. They were desperately searching for use of gov. or campaign money paying for hotels, etc. [Name withheld] and others would not talk since they had been promised jobs by the new Gov.

Rumors all over Albany have DP's resignation imminent. One source claims Times found DP owes big bucks to [unnamed major investor in  AEG] for gambling debts. I knew he did [unnamed cola product], screwed around with women on the payroll, drank too much and didn't like to go to work, lied freely, etc. But, I can't believe he was a gambler (still don't). Rumor says DP made [unnamed Chief of Staff] call [unnamed Times publisher] and threaten to release [unnamed Times publisher's] affair with [unnamed daughter of Dead President]. [Unnamed Chief of Staff and Counsel], etc. are looking to bail out.”

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