Blowing the Chauffeur: The Mournful Sound You Hear Is Not Tekiyah Gedolah; It’s Kaddish (Taps For Alan Hevesi)

September 25, 2001 was the only time Alan Hevesi ever wanted my vote that he didn’t get it. On September 11th, 2001, I rose early in the morning and voted for Hevesi for mayor, although I knew he’d lose. There was going to be a run-off, and I’d then get a chance to re-evaluate, so why not go for my first choice?

Of course, my vote for Hevesi that day never got counted, and newly sobered by the reality of what had just occurred and the enormity of what lay ahead, I decided to get serious in the rescheduled primary two weeks later. Between Freddy Ferrer’s insensitively premature remarks about moving businesses out of Lower Manhattan, and his public ass-kissing of Al Sharpton, I decided the run-off was now and switched my vote to Mark Green. It was the right thing to do, and I felt terrible. That November, Hevesi appeared on the Liberal line and I voted against him again, although this time, so did he.

I love Alan Hevesi. He is thoughtful, innovative and nuanced. He is a Clinton Democratic, with no Deaniacal notions about foreign policy. He is a man of genuine wit, humor and charm. He’s written insightfully about the politics of abortion and the legislative process in New York State. He is really among our best and brightest, and he wears his ego more lightly than most electeds who’ve achieved his stature.

Alan Hevesi has never hesitated to embrace the unpopular when it was the right thing to do. Yearly, he led the fight in the Assembly against the restoration of capital punishment, even though his position was highly unpopular in his district. Even more emblematic was the eulogy he gave at Donnie Manes’ funeral in 1986. No politician in his right mind, especially one of Hevesi’s ambition, wanted that job; others had surely said no. In the wake of the unfolding scandal, Alan Hevesi knew exactly how it would appear, but Marlene Manes had asked him to do it, so he bit the bullet for the sake of the grieving family. I can think of no greater example of good character. Alan Hevesi is a mensch. Earlier this year, when Hevesi, in a rare moment of stupidity, shot off his mouth at Queens College by refering to Chuck Schumer as "the man who, how do I phrase this diplomatically, who will put a bullet between the president's eyes if he could get away with it", I proudly wrote: “NOW IT CAN BE TOLD- "GATEMOUTH" is actually ALAN HEVESI!!! I wish.

So, it is with great regret that, this fall, for the first time since 2001, I will not be casting a vote for Alan Hevesi in an election in which he is competing (well, not quite, I also voted for a different slate than the one headed by Hevesi in the election for the US delegation to the World Zionist Congress; but that’s a Jew thing; you wouldn’t understand). Hevesi has admitted to using a state employee as a chauffeur for his wife for over three years, without reimbursing the state (to the tune of $82,000) until he was caught. He halfheartedly tried to lay the blame for this on a dead parakeet he allegedly received in his mail.

Under any circumstances, Alan Hevesi’s conduct in using the public payroll for private purposes would be problematic. If not of the scale of Donnie Manes, it is at least in the neighborhood of Roger Green and Clarence Norman (what Clarence has been convicted of, not what he’s awaiting trial for). I might find my way to voting for such a pol for State Assembly; I might not. And if Alan Hevesi were the Democratic candidate for United States Senator from New Jersey or Pennsylvania, I'd vote for him with bells on, even if he were a convicted felon. But, there are limits to partisanship, even for a partisan, and I certainly cannot find my way to voting for Alan Hevesi for the position of Chief Fiscal Officer of the State of New York. The job of Comptroller is that of a watchdog, and the job of a watchdog is to keep the foxes from the henhouse; it appears that Mr. Hevesi has been caught coughing up chicken feathers (or perhaps they belonged to a parakeet).

I can’t even remember the name of the Republican running to oppose Hevesi, and don’t really want to. Perhaps he may get my vote; perhaps not. There is a certain appeal to supporting a Libertarian for such a position. It might even be fun to vote for a Green but, (1) a high vote count would only encourage them, and (2) I have friends with money in the pension system.  I really don’t know who I will be voting for; maybe no one at all. But, I won’t be voting for Alan Hevesi.

And what's all this then about a dead parakeet? Am I the only one who is reminded of Monty Python? Well, as John Cleese might say, Alan Hevesi has rung up the curtain and joined the choir invisibule. He is an ex-Comptroller; or should be.  

I haven’t felt so bad since September 25, 2001.

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