AN EVENT OF WORLD SHATTERING IMPORTANCE WILL BE TAKING PLACE AT COUNCILMAN LEW FIDLER’S 41st AD DEMOCRATC CLUB, 2952 Avenue R (corner of Haring), Brooklyn, NY–Thursday, March 5, 2009 at 7:30 PM
The purpose of this piece is to announce an event featuring David Weprin and David Yassky. Despite this, I ask you to read on. A friend asked that I do this announcement, and made one request along with it:
“MAKE IT SEXY!”
No, the event is not a contest for the nerdiest looking member of the City Council — Alan Gerson will not be attending (Is Gerson Yassky without the charisma, or is Yassky the hipster‘s version of Gerson? Wasn’t he in “The Forty Year Old Virgin”? Is there really a mathematical formula that says Schumer – Weiner = Yassky? And would Weprin be more exciting if he took dance lessons, so he’d be cutting a rug instead of wearing it? )
But, I digress, for I forgot the major selling point: the event also features Councilwoman Melinda Katz: Ole Blues Eyes is Back! And after all, if you can’t trust two guys who look like accountants to manage your money, why not elect Alan Hevesi’s former babysitter?
Yes friends, it’s a forum featuring the candidates for Comptroller of the City of New York– to help you decide which of three outer borough Jewish legislators (Weprin also has a credible claim of being Latino–and I hear his favorite song is Tito Puente’s “Oye Vay is Meer”) you want to have the responsibility of investing our City’s pension funds in a manner which will insulate them from the economic downturn, so that retired City employees will have enough money left to buy a pot to either piss in or use to cook stone soup.
My suggestion is to hide the money behind a loose brick.
Of course, if Ms. Katz can figure out how to manage being a single parent while running for Citywide office, then serving as the City’s Chief Fiscal Officer in the midst of a Financial Crisis should be a snap. Really.
So perhaps she will be a CILF (Unless you have a dirty mind, “Comptroller Improving Local Finances“).
But seriously, in the fifty or so years I’ve been alive, there have been seven Comptrollers of the City of New York, and all but one of them has run for Mayor while in Office–the one who did not (Liz Holtzman) ran for US Senate instead.
True, only one of them (Abe Beame in 1973) actually won, while another (Mr. Hevesi) won Statewide office after leaving the job, but compare that to our other non-Mayoral citywide office, Public Advocate (or, as it was formerly called, City Council President); other than those present or former occupants of the job put out to pasture with Judgeships, the only holder of this office to win an election, during or after his term, was the downwardly mobile Abe Stark, the owner of the haberdashery with the “Hit Sign, Win Suit” billboard at Ebbets Field, who, in 1961 saved face from being dumped by every City political faction by successfully running instead for Brooklyn Borough President–a job he failed to fill until his death, which nearly went by unnoticed (better to lose a race for that office–just ask Pat Moynihan, Hugh Carey or Charlie Rangel)
The point is that even if the problems the next City Comptroller faces are far greater than anyone of these candidates is prepared to deal with (and let’s not kid ourselves, they are), it is very likely that one of them will have that awesome responsibility. Moreover, we will probably being seeing a lot of them a lot of the time.
As such, we need to be mindful of two criteria:
1) Unlike many of our Councilmembers, we know these three are all smart. The questions is, are they both fiscally savvy, and creative enough to think out of the box? It is possible that these qualities may be mutually exclusive in a politician, but this year, and in the years to come, we will need them both.
2) As we will be seeing a lot of whoever wins, are any of them so annoying that is it a moral imperative to prevent them from getting even more time on TV? (Just guessing, but I’m betting on Weprin)
On Thursday, March 5, 2009 at 7:30 PM, as part of its Guest Speaker’s series, the 41st Assembly District Democratic Club, headed by Councilman Lew Fidler, will be hosting a candidate forum for City Comptroller and Katz, Yassky and Weprin will all be there.
This really is my idea of excitement, but for those with a taste for comedy, I hear Rock Hackshaw’s campaign manager will also be attending.
See all the fun and laughter this Thursday at 7:30 PM at the 41st AD Democratic Club, 2952 Avenue R (corner of Haring), Brooklyn, NY.
Sexy enough for you?