Today. Republican Congressional Hopeful Bob Turner, previously most famous for having a Mogen David tattooed on his prepuce by Dov Hikind and Ed Koch, got the NYC Political Blog Clusterfuck:
Gate (5:47 AM): “While Bob Turner refuses to admit to a position on the Ryan budget or CCB, selling out his most deeply help right-libertarian principles for a date with Ed Koch, Weprin calls for "increases in Social Security."
Freedlander (12:57 PM): Dems Demand to Know Bob Iurner’s Opinion of Paul Ryan
Colin (1:06 PM): Bob Turner’s Position On the Cut Cap & Balance Measure is Difficult to Find Out
Liz Benjamin (4:48 PM): Links Colin and Freedlander together.
Gate (10:22 PM): Posts the column you are reading.
Give Bob Turner credit; a man of seemingly unyielding conservative principles championed by the likes of Mike Long, back in 2010, he spent a considerable chunk of his own personal change running a seemingly hopeless race for Congress, and thank to the year and the circumstances, achieved an unexpectedly high 39% without compromising one principle.
This was especially amazing because, even though the 9th CD had been trending to the right for years, it was still somewhat left of center on economic issues.
And, on economic issues, Turner was, in the words of Red State.Com, “the quintessential Tea Party candidate.”
But then came Anthony’s weiner and ignominious scandal.
And then came Ed Koch, still harboring some old grudge about Saul Weprin or something similarly personal and trivial.
If Koch protégé Lynn Schulman were somehow the Democratic candidate, sending The President a message about Israel would be further from Ed Koch’s mind than knocking boots with Bess Myerson.
But Ed Koch is dangling his goodies before Bob Turner while singing “I Know What Boys Like.“
As the girl singer in the song says: “Sucker”
And with the thought of getting some honey on his stinger, Bob Turner has begun to resemble Hunter Thompson‘s description of a Bull Elk in heat (which was actually Thompson’s metaphor for a politician gone mad with ambition):
“a bull elk in the rut, crashing through the timber in a vever for something to fuck. Anything! A cow, a calf, a mare–any flesh and blood beast with a hole in it. The bull elk is a very crafty animal for about fifty weeks of the year…but when the rut comes on, in the autumn, any geek with the sense to blow an elk-whistle can lure a bull elk right up to his car in ten minutes if he can drive within hearing range…The dumb bastards lose all control of themselves when the rut comes on. Their eyes glaze over, their ears pack up with hot wax, and their loins get heavy with blood. Anything that sounds like a cow elk in heat will fuse the central nervous systems of every bull on the mountain. They will race though the timber like huge cannonballs, trampling small trees and scraping off bloody chunks of their own hair on the unyielding bark of the big ones.”
So, Ed Koch, playing Cow Elk has dangled his moist and inviting goodies, replete with their musky scent of possible victory, within sniffing distance of Bob Turner’s nostrils.
And he is softly singing “I really want to, but I gotta know right now, before I go any further, will you…oppose cuts to Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security.”
Given a choice between a roll in the hay and chastely embracing the Holy Grail of the Ryan Plan and Cut, Cap & Balance, Bob Turner’s eyes glazed over, his ears packed up with hot wax, and his loins got heavy with blood.
He's almost morphed into Anthony Weiner.
Ed Koch said “I gotta know right now” and Bob Turner has responded:
“Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning”
It is so sad to watch a man who had nothing going for him but his integrity forsake even that.
I could have warned Turner about Ed Koch’s embrace, which is the monkey’s paw of New York politics.
Be careful of what you wish for.
With Ed Koch, it’s always about some Koch agenda and the candidate he supports is often besides the point and lives to regret it.
Perhaps I should give him Al Gore’s number.
In 1988, New York was pretty much Al Gore’s last stand. It was a three way between Gore, Mike Dukakis and Jesse Jackson, and Koch wanted to defeat Jackson in the worst way.
Which is what he helped to do.
Koch endorsed Gore, and Gore thought he got a shot of steroids and adrenalin.
Actually he got a dose of poison.
Koch used his support of Gore strictly as a vehicle to attack Jackson.
At a meeting of Gore supporters, I told the Campaign Manager this was a loser.
“If Gore’s asked ’Is this a stop Jesse campaign,’ he should respond, ’no, it’s a stop Bush campaign; I’m the only one left standing who can stop Bush.’”
It was true, but Gore never said it.
Instead, Ed Koch made the NYS Gore campaign about stopping Jesse, and the more he said it, the more white voters panicked and decided the candidate who could beat Jesse in NYS was Dukakis.
Koch accomplished his goal, and Jesse was beat.
And there ended Al Gore’s serious candidacy in 1988.
I have no idea what Ed Koch’s agenda is this time, but I do know he’s driven poor Bob Turner into an awful dithering state of confusion.
Bob stick with your principles.
Or sell out.
But, please hurry up and make up your mind before you lose it entirely, along with your integrity and a good deal of your money.
You cannot keep ducking reporter’s questions. Eventually you’re going to get sucker punched and go down for the count, TKOed before the final bell has rung.
Until you do make up your mind, you are hereby re-named Robert “Bob and Weave” Turner.