Author: Gatemouth

A New York Moment: The Great Debate (address corrected)

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Dateline: Denver Colorado–8/28/08–10:45 AM Mountain Time  

I’ve been holding off posting this, because I wanted to do a fuller article about the importance of this race.

Unfortunately, time has been short, and I’m trying to get to Invesco Field to see Springsteen and that other guy, so I’m posting bare bones. Hope I’ll get to it later.

THE GREAT DEBATE –21st AD State Senate

Thursday, September 4, 8:00 PM at the 41st AD Democratic Club
2952 Ave R cornier of Haring Street one block east of Nostrand

Fighting Senator Kevin “Dap” Parker defends his title against Councilman Simcha “The Toomler” Felder and Councilman Kendall “Doctor Foots” Stewart.

Shining Time Station

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Dateline: Denver, Colorado–8/27/06–7:15 PM Mountain Time 

Denver’s Union Station, with its great collection of trains I’ve passed several times during the week, puts me in mind of my son, who I miss terribly.

My five year old has inherited several of his dad’s traits, including collector-mania. For me, it is vinyl LPs; for the Dybbuk, it is “Thomas The Tank Engine” Trains. Not content to own all the trains currently in-print, he trolls Ebay for hours, typing in “Thomas Trains Retired” for his search. One day, visiting my sister-in-law, he tried to get her to log into my account, telling her, “I think his password is Gatemouth.”

Pete Puma

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Dateline: Denver, Colorado–8/27/08–5:45 PM Mountain Time  

As many of you may have guessed, my great role model in life is Bugs Bunny.

Other than the one where he sells some yokel the Brooklyn Bridge (“But where to find a rabbit in the city? No, he must go to the country, to the forest primeval, to Flatbush”), my all-time favorite Bugs cartoon is the one where he encounters Pete_Puma.

To those who don’t recall, the Puma just never grasps the reality of the situation. No matter how many times the Puma is outsmarted, the Puma is under the illusion that the battle is not over, and somehow, by playing by the same old rules, instead of assimilating the new realities, the Puma is going to outplay and outsmart the Rascally Rabbit and emerge triumphant. Instead the Puma keeps getting a head full of lumps.

Where Have You Gone, Rock Hackshaw (A Guest Column by Roscoe Conway)

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A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

I hope that Hackshaw's absence on these pages is explained by a combination of altitude sickness, jet lag and a bad plate of scallops au gratin at Shelly's reception.

We're at Day 3, and so far I've outposted Hackshaw by both item count and word count.  Not only that, I've got a direct pipeline to a voting member of the New York delegation.  Pretty inpressive performance, if I do say so myself, for someone who's a real-life version of Vinnie Antonelli here in New York politics' version of WitSec.

When can I expect my $460?

Corrections

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Dateline, Denver Colorado, 8/27/08 1:30 PM Mountain Time

On Tuesday night, Shelly Silver’s opponent, Paul “Obamawitz” Newell, finally showed up in Denver to play his role as Delegate. I have been unable to confirm the rumor that, unlike the rest of the rest of the New York Delegation, which is staying at the Downtown Sheraton, Newell is being housed in a Motel Six in Provo, Utah.

Paul tells me that he spent two hours last night dialing up voters in his district, and will be continuing to campaign aggressively via long distance. I’ve been unable to confirm the rumor that those phone calls constitute more effort than has been expended in the last month by spoiler candidate Luke Henry.

Youn N Eye (In Which I am Compared to Theodore Sorenson–sort of)

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Dateline Denver Colorado – 8/26/08 – 8:30 PM Mountain Time 

This morning, I paid a little tribute to Monica Youn, the lovely young lady lucky enough to be sitting next to me last night at the convention:

“To add insult to injury, my preeminence among the NY delegation’s bloggers (at least those who’ve produced written evidence of their presence in Denver beyond the bad checks Rock is undoubtedly passing) was usurped by the lovely and talented Monica Youn, an at-large New York delegate pledged to support Barack Obama who works as a lawyer in the Democracy Program at the Brennan Center for Justice at the New York University School of Law and is also the author of “Barter“, a book of poems which, given the lady’s poise, probably contains nothing quite as offensive as Kevin Powell’s “Son to Mother.”

Ms. Youn is posting for an obscure outlet called “Slate”, apparently owned by a gentleman named William Gates, although I’m not certain she is making much more than $460 herself. Last night, she had an invite to Slate’s reception, but why be jealous when one can have desert with Tom DiNapoli (if one can get there).”

Infomerical

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Dateline: Denver, Colorado – 8/26/08 – 1:15 PM Mountain Time 

It’s not been a great day, although, on the good side, I finally discovered the Microsoft Specialty Media Lounge, complete with good wifi, free coffee and box lunches.

On the other hand, I misplaced all my info concerning the non-transferable events I RSVPed to without being invited. Actually got turned down by Rahm’s Chicago Blues Event.

A Gatemouth barred from the blues; I should alert the Irony Police.

Also misplaced my John McCain condom (I kid you not) before I got to use it. Plus Domestic Partner called to complain about all the sly references I'd made to other women. While on the phone, she added that I failed to mention any of the speeches.

Denver is Grand, No Division

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Dateline: Engelwood, Colorado–8/26/08, 9:34 AM Mountain Time   

“Angry Democrats Distracted DNC Attendees in Denver” screamed the top headline on my laptop’s personal Dell Homepage, one of two distressing items greeting me on the web this morning.

I sympathized. Like myself and others covering the convention, Jake Tapper had discovered there was no news here and decided to make it up.

Angry Democrats? I’ve never been among a happier bunch of people in my entire life. Eating, drinking, schmoozing, gawking celebrities and taking part in the biggest pep rally of them all.

Wonderpets

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Dateline: Engelwood, Colorado-/8/24/08– 12:55 AM–Mountain Time

The phone, the phone is ringing–there’s an animal in trouble somewhere (trust me, if you have child five or under, it’s an hilarious reference to the show named in this piece's title) or maybe it's an international crisis (where is Hillary when you need her?) or another of those text messages.

Sound asleep, it is minutes before I realize it is a phone and where I am, as I slowly wake up from a drunken stuper. Contrary to the dream I was having, I am alone (although, if it were otherwise, I would still be saying the same), I reflect that, on the whole, this is probably a good thing, although Chelsea was having the time of her life.

Party Unity –Thank G-d!

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Love Your Posts On Biden

From: Michael Spitzer-Rubenstein (msrpotus@gmail.com)

Sent: 8/23/08 11:46 AM

To: C. Gatemouth Brown (Gatemouthnyc@hotmail.com)

From one hack to another, right on!

Michael

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Michael Spitzer-Rubenstein
Internet Director, Kevin Powell for Congress
www.kevinpowellforcongress.org

Wonderful–I've now got a teenaged fan club.

Still to be heard from: Kevin Himself

Unlikely to be heard from: Michael Bouldin

 

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