Whenever I travel overseas I try to be an ideal citizen, a good American. More often than not I fail at this not because I am xenophobic but because I’m a pushy New Yorker no matter how hard I try to suppress that nature.
On my first trip to the UK everything went great and I even defended a tour guide against an ugly American. But then at the airport chaos broke out at the boarding gate and I made a comment and everyone looked at me.
Next in Paris I started out well even speaking French phrases to my hosts. But on the last day I pressured the hotel guy for an earlier cab to the airport. He remained calm but became a little brusque.
Then returning from Florence through Frankfurt I made a comment on the plane. You see on the way over they did not have my reservation but they cleared that up and on the way home gave me wheelchair service homeward because I had hurt my foot. Still when we pulled off the runway just before take off for an equipment check I lost my cool and said I’ll never fly this airline again and everyone looked at me.
Then back in the UK as we were boarding a Thames boat cruise a huge tour group crowded up to the boat ramp and I blurted out “oh no a tour group.” The British tour guide heard me and told American jokes over the PA up and down the river.
In Spain I fell in love with jamon and filled my plate with it at the hotel buffet until an English woman exclaimed “he is eating all the jamon.” I was an ugly American once again.
So no matter how hard I try I inevitably fall short in the end. It just seems the expectations are so high I am bound to fail. I am doomed to become an ugly American.